Best Laid Plans

4th of July with friends!

I’ll never forget the day, even if the exact date escapes me - July of 2009 – after the 4^th, but a few weeks before Maddy’s fourth birthday.  Jason had been having some strange symptoms which were getting worse and had finally peaked Fourth of July weekend at a friend’s cottage, our annual get-together with our college buddies. So, a few interesting doctor visits were scheduled. First of all, some blood loss he’d had from these “strange symptoms” resulted in a worried conversation with a nurse that simply couldn’t believe he was able to stand. He had ridiculously low hemoglobin levels so was to go in immediately the next day for a blood transfusion and his first trip to the gastroenterologist was also scheduled. This particular doctor visit is the day that is etched in my mind.

Breakfast in bed - a Gooley tradition!

Jason, his mother and I traveled together to Michigan Gastroenterology. She was nervous but I wasn’t – how could anything be wrong? Jason had made the mistake of looking up worst case scenarios on the internet and quickly decided it wasn’t in our best interest to continue that way of thinking, as a detective he is a worrier by trade and habit, but we talked ourselves out of that, a little.  We were fairly positive that his issue would be fixed quickly and we’d move on easily from this; we had a life to live.

Our questions were answered in a matter of minutes. Dr.Weatherhead is not only a great doctor, but an efficient one as well. He had Jason in and out and answers for us in no time. Unfortunately, they were answers we simply did not want to hear, ones that did not fit into our life plan. Cancer. The Big C.

The doctor quickly explained that he’d found a mass in Jason’s colon that was much larger than a polyp and that surgery would be required. Within minutes, our entire world changed. 

1st skates for her birthday!

This didn’t make any sense to us. We had a three-year old at home. We'd been trying for a second baby and though had been having difficulties, had just been given the all clear from the fertility specialist after my own minor surgery. We had plans and CANCER did not fit into those plans. Jason was 32 years old and had no health problems; just your average guy whose 30’s were suiting him just fine - he was a great dad, husband, son, and friend. Cancer just was not going to work for us!

Immediately we were set up with a recommended surgeon, Timothy McKenna, DO, from Mid-Michigan Surgeons. Dr. McKenna explained the surgery and told us his understanding of possible outcomes and we set a date for Jason’s colon resection surgery. July 29^th, just a day before Maddy’s 4^th birthday. Had I to do this over, I would have slowed  this down a bit - for us, for Maddy, and because of the actual outcomes, some we wouldn't know or understand until well later. 

Thankful for Aunt Laura & Grandma who made her day special!

Madeline obviously was just fine having her birthday party anytime – she was going to be 4 - balloons, cake and gifts were on her mind! But as a mommy, uncertainties tore through mine. It was her birthday and she would have to share it with the memory of Daddy in the hospital - what if she remembered that, what if she was upset by that, what if the absolute UNTHINKABLE happened? Worries on my mind, unable to verbalize it all, but weighing me down nonetheless. All I could say was, “but it’s Maddy’s birthday.”

July 29^th came and the anesthesia took Jason down into a deep sleep. The surgeon reported hours later. A number of nail-biting, toe-tapping hours, that even now, make my stomach turn, my heart ache, and create wells of tears in my eyes. Family and friends gathered in those hours offering food, conversation, hugs, shoulders- anything to take my mind off the fact that the love of my life was under the knife. And just like that Dr. McKenna, with very little bedside manner, more of a bedside swagger, said, “Everything went great. As good as we could expect.” 

A treasured memory - at the hospital.

In those hours, about 18 inches of Jason’s colon, or large intestine, were cut out of his body in order to eradicated the walnut-sized tumor eating away at his system. The good news was that he was able to spare the very lower part of his colon, so he would not need a colostomy bag, one of Jason’s greatest fears. The bad news was that the tumor had moved into the colon wall. We’d have to wait to hear if the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes.

One of the very worst parts about cancer is this anticipation - waiting for someone in surgery, expecting your doctor’s call for next steps, the delay between giving blood and getting the results, waiting for PET scans and CT scans, hearing from doctors or nurses with results of any kind. In this case, we were waiting for the pathology report. This report would give us more direction in care, though we were already fairly certain that chemotherapy was going to be the next step – that tumor was a monster! By the end of the week, we were given a more solid answer – of the nine lymph nodes biopsied, two had cancerous cells. To chemo we go!

That was just about four years ago this summer, right as our cancer story began. None of us would ever believe that we would still be fighting this fight, battling cancer, that Jason would be on his third round of chemo today, fighting his third tumor, or staring down the barrel of yet another surgery, yup, his third to remove a tumor. They say three is a charm. Let's pray that it is. Prayer seems to be a recurring theme in our life. Oh yeah,and laughter. Lots and lots of laughter!