Track 2

Just some of that fab support network & fav wedding pic. 

Jason has always been an incredible man to me. Why else would I marry him? I didn't need to see him combat cancer over and over to know what he was capable of, I knew he was worthy of this life! He and I fell in love becoming best friends in college, as we both were figuring out how to manage our lives and become adults in this world. I went to Michigan State University and graduated in the College of Education. He decided to fulfill his lifelong dream of fighting crime when he heard the criminal justice program and Police Academy at Lansing Community College call his name. We both pursued childhood goals and had remarkable friends and family to love and support us all along the way. Nobody was surprised when one Christmas Eve, Jason finally popped the question and we were set to get hitched. It was just meant to be from the start.

December 2010 - A chemo we will go. 

Jason and I actually waited quite a while to have the wedding, though. Much like a lot of things with the two of us, we don’t rush into much. We tend to bide our time, wait for the right moment, make a plan. It was important to be sure school was out of the way for me, a job was lined up, my master’s degree was in progress, and my first year of teaching was under my belt before we walked down the aisle. Everything needed to be just right so when we decided to have that houseful of babies we dreamed of we’d have no worries, or when we wanted to travel, we could do just that, or just in case we wanted to remodel the kitchen in our first home, it was no problem. Little did I know, the track we were laying out, the one we’d been planning for all this time, wasn't the one that we would necessarily follow. The plan was in place, though and that was enough for me back then – I had my guy and we were very happy together.

Enter cancer. And it had other plans for our life.

Summer of radiation, 2011. Maddy was turning 6. 

In the year of Jason’s diagnosis everything we’d ever known about our lives, ourselves, and our future was challenged. I think Jason confronted some old beliefs about himself, even – about how much he could endure, just how brave he could be, and what he could and would do in order to survive this disease. We learned, we loved, and we grew together into a family living with cancer. We've grown stronger for it and that is a great thing.

After Jason’s lung surgery in September of 2010, chemotherapy was once again in order. So, that December , he began the next six month bout of cancer-killing drugs, a lighter round this time though, since it didn't contain the harsh drug oxaliplatin like the first round, though other ones that complicated life a bit, to be sure, were added. Dr. Rapson added a new infusion treatment called Avastin, which would continue even after the 12 cycles of chemotherapy were complete. Avastin’s job is to slow the growth of new blood vessels that feed tumors, essentially to stop the spread of any cancer through the body. The drugs may have been a little ‘lighter,’ but they did affect him and his body, and of course his mind and emotions. He had symptoms, but as always – he didn't complain - to you, to his coworkers, or to his boss – he worked through it, he lived through it, he raised Maddy through it because if he did not, life would have gone on living without him through it and that would not do, it just wouldn't. The track we were on seemed to be a good one for the time being. We had a plan with Dr. Rapson and we felt good about it.

A true Avett fan! 

Unfortunately, that time was short lived. Though Jason’s PET Scans during and right after chemotherapy had shown good results, promising results even, the June scan was not in our favor. The results showed an increase in activity in his lung - again. Another day that will go down in our cancer history was when Jason called me, yet again on one of the final days of school. With tears in my eyes and a quiver in my voice, I had to let some good friends & co-workers know things were ‘just fine,’ because at that point I had no plan, we didn't anticipate this at all. Just an increase in activity and a bunch of ideas swirling in my head. if I started to speak, those ideas would become a weepy mess of tears and snot.

The activity increase wasn't a lot, but enough, of course. Just enough to be bugged about, to look into, to worry about, and yes, to treat. This time, that summer, the summer of 2011 – now two years from the initial diagnosis - Jason’s treatment was radiation.  So Jason began a six-week course of daily radiation therapy, which was said to be very effective. In fact, two PET scans later proved just that – activity in the lung was decreasing. All was right in our world and we were back on track ready to make plans - yet again.

Our family has a favorite band, as many of you know. Jason and I have seen The Avett Brothers in concert a number of times and we've even taken Maddy to one of their shows. Maddy and I share a favorite song on their most recent album called Live and Die. She never remembers the name of the song and instead calls it Track 2, its place on the album, which is perfect. Every time I hear this song, I consider how perfectly it aligns with my life. The Avett Brothers, unbeknownst to them (unless of course they've read all the stalker mail I've sent… just kidding… hee, hee… hee), have gotten me through a lot of emotional situations these last years; they are my go-to band for emotional rescue and that song is a great reminder of our journey and our growth.

On the surface & in the first lines the song reminds us, “all it'll take is just one moment, and you can say goodbye to how we had it planned.” The path Jason, Maddy, and I were on was far different than the one we originally planned and because of these deviations we could not control we've made some huge adjustments to our life plan. And we've learned a lot along the way - every time something new has been thrown our way, every time life has handed us a lemon – or a scan with increased activity, we've adjusted. More than anything we've learned a lot about each other, about other people, the human condition – and about how to survive by leaning on each other. And like the song continues to remind me, we always have each other. Just about the only thing that has gotten us through all of this, is to always come back to us, our center, to find one another, love one another and push through it – much like when Jason first popped the question way back when and we knew that it was just meant to be – our family, our friends and the people we love are about the only certain things we have in this uncertain world and so we know we must lean on each other during the most difficult times -

and these have been our most difficult times.

No matter what cancer throws at us, or life gives us. No matter which track we are on, we will always have each other.